City Market

7/29/10 Luling, TX. The legendary City Market has good ribs, but the brisket is unfortunately underwhelming. If the place were further away from Lockhart it would be better, but it's going to be second string situated where it is. Don't get me wrong, it's good stuff, but stick with the ribs and just enjoy the traditional atmosphere with a Big Red. Consistancy might be a factor here. I've been to City Market several times and it's been fantastic in the past in almost all respects (though I do recall the sausage was so-so).

The bottom line: B+ overall, but with Smitty's up the road it's no contest. Put it up in Dallas, and they'd be rich, rich as Nazis. Yes, I've seen way too many Simpsons reruns. Until next time, Smoke up!

Smitty's Market Inc.

7/22/10 Lockhart, TX. The best food in the world is at Smitty's Market in Lockhart. It doesn't get any better. I got no sides, I forgot to request sauce. Let's roll. Be sure to get brisket, ribs, and sausage at Smitty's because it's all incredible. Eat it that exact order too. Start with the brisket. There are subtle smoke flavors that will reveal themselves on a fresh pallette. Don't be greedy and fill up on brisket though, we've got a ways to go. Next have a swig of Big Red and get ready for the next round with the ribs. Fall off the bone tender, the pork ribs here will rival that of the best BBQ that the deep south can produce (that's a fact, Jack). Rich and flavorful, but not too salty or crusty. They're perfect. Have another splash of Big Red and and gear up for the sausage finale. Welcome to flavor country! The sausage bursts with smoke and spice to round out the experience.

I have no idea if Smitty's has sweet tea or banana pudding. The rules change when the 'que is this good. It truly is the Holy Grail of BBQ and I wouldn't hesitate to make a pilgrimmage to Smitty's every now and then for an out of body experience. The rumors are true, no they don't give you silverware, and yes if you aren't paying attention you might step into the fire. Who knows, maybe it's cocaine in the BBQ? Whatever it is, should something better come along, my head might explode. A++

Schoepf's Old Time Pit Bar-B-Que

7/16/10 Belton, TX. I was at a poker tournament last year and got seated accross from this guy from Temple. We talked BBQ briefly (of course) and he told me this place is pronounced "chef's". Now that the mystery is solved, lets move on to how bad this bbq really is.

The sweet tea is solid, the cheesy potatos are awesome, the beans are good, but wow the brisket is crappy! Tougher than leather! I could make rattlesnake-proof boots out of this stuff! I don't really understand why places like this SEEM like they would have good brisket, but just don't (like Green Mesquite in ATX). Bypass the brisket and just get the ribs if you're going to stop here. The last time I was here I remembered the sausage being that spam/Rudy's type so I didn't even bother. The ribs are on the bland side, but they do the trick. The ambiance is true to the 'que so you'll at least think you're in the right place. B- and that's pretending I didn't try the brisket.

Back Country Bar-B-Q

6/24/10 Dallas, TX. So North Texas gets another shot to prove their mediocrity and Back Country Bar-B-Q came through with blazing blanditude. It did have some solid aspects which makes it one of the better places to go, but since the brisket was boring, and the sausage even more boring, it doesn't get to sit at the adult table quite yet. The brisket, yes bland, was at least very tender and reminds me of that fall-off-the-fork tenderness that Uncle Billy's has. There's nothing worse than brisket that tastes like a cracker AND is tough and jerky to boot (I'm looking at YOU Green Mesquite). The sausage isn't even worth ment... Anyway they give you a big slice of texas toast which is cool, but really the best part was their unique potato salad. It was smooth and the potato chunks were tiny. One step further and you would have potato pudding. Have a look at the pic and maybe you'll see what I'm talking about.

They also had a live band that played Abracadabra by Steve Miller over and over. And I always thought once was enough! Who knew you were supposed to play that song several times in a row! In any case, I give them points for having a band at all, even though it reminded me of a Viagra commercial. Kudos, Back Country Bar-B-Q! You get your real world C+, but with your Dallas curve you're up to a very solid B!

Clem Mikeska Bar-B-Q

6/18/10 Temple, TX. I've been here a number of times. It's good in a Pok-e-Jo's kinda way. Nothing spectacular, but solid at least. The ambiance is interesting enough with dead everything hanging on the walls. They even have a few stuffed hammerhead sharks here and there. I've had the chopped beef sandwich in the past and it's really not worth getting, so I tried something different this time.

The BBQ is ok. I got the sausage plate because the billboard on I-35 clearly states "Homemade Sausage". It's average I suppose. Needs to be dipped in the warm bbq sauce to get a real taste out of it. Funny how this establishment has the warmed up bbq sauce and so did Oxbow down the street. Maybe it's a regional thing in Temple? In any case, I got corn on the cob and a salad as the sides. Both very good considering they were corn and lettuce! Next go 'round I'll hit the beans and tato salad. The sweet tea does the trick, so they get some points for that. Unfortunately, this place is really overpriced. A 1-meat place and small sweet tea was $10.71 and you clearly don't get what you pay for compared to other establishments.

All in all, they have a lot to choose from so you get your varity. However with most places that have such a variety (Hard 8 in Coppell EXCLUDED) the quality suffers a bit. Clem Mikeska's would be a good place to bring the family because it has a little something for everyone and a bunch of stuffed bears to look at. It's also good enough to stop by every now and then for a commuter on I-35. I'll give this place an overpriced B.

Oxbow Steakhouse & Bar-B-Q

6/10/10 Belton, TX. Dark and old. They have steaks as well as BBQ, but the steaks are apparently the priority. Look first they put "Steakhouse" before "Bar-B-Q" in the name, then the special is a porterhouse steak for $25, then to top it all off, they serve you tough, beef jerky like brisket. It's flavorful enough, but very tough. It definitely needed sauce which was good, dark (just like the building) and served warm, which was kinda cool. There was no offer for bread or rolls (wtf?), but they did offer sweet tea. The coleslaw was extremely creamy, like at a retirement home. The beans were fine, whatever. This place puts off a peculiar vibe and I don't think I'll be going back. However if I did, I would pass on the 'que and order a steak. Who knows? If the steak is awesome, then their existence is justified. Just ignore the ghosts. Shit am I going to actually go back there now?? Nah, probably not. I can get a good steak in my back yard!

Vitek's BBQ

6/4/10 Waco, TX. High expectations met with disappointment. Vitek's is know for their signature "Gut Pak" complete with everything but the kitchen sink, and yes, it is truly awesome. This time I opted to sample a more traditional BBQ experience with only some brisket and some homemade sausage. The sausage was better than average, but I'd say the brisket was a registered voter in Average-ville, USA. In other words, the brisked was about as good as that last joke (and even that's a stretch). Anyway, I've said it before and here we go again: If a BBQ place has a specialty food (i.e. the Gut Pak) then that's what you should get. The sausage and brisket need to be mixed together with spicy beans, pickles, jalapinos, , onions, cheese, Frito's, old computer hard drives, and whatever else is in the Gut Pak to really do the trick.

Pro's: The Gut Pack is awesome, friendly staff, and they do have sweet tea in a gallon jug on the counter.

Con's: C+ brisket and sausage when they stand alone, plus the hours are crappy. Banana pudding is a dismal failure.